As the title indicates, I’m having a problem. And it’s not one of those problems that I’m sure is even a problem. It might be that I have simply created this problem in the absence of confirmation of an actual problem.

I call people “dear.”

And not just any people: women -- specifically female co-workers, friends and relatives. It hadn’t occurred to me that this word might be somehow offensive until I saw a twitter friend, Mignon Fogarty (a.k.a. Grammar Girl), describe an experience she had on the phone. It went something like this:

Mignon called a business of some sort and was speaking to a female employee about something. In the background she heard a male voice call the worker “honey” and quickly assumed that this was a sexist boss belittling his subordinate. In her tweet she derided this “pig” and proceeded to consider other possible scenarios (e.g., the business was small, and the male was the woman’s husband).

But this interaction, completely removed from me and my life, got me thinking. For whatever reason, I’ve begun calling female acquaintances “dear” without considering my reasons for doing so. These acquaintances aren’t always particularly dear to me, so I wonder: am I being subconsciously sexist?

Social scientists might say that I am, that I use the word only toward women to mark the difference between our genders, believing my gender, or group, to be superior, but I’m not so sure that’s the case. I question the difference between “dear” and other words like “honey” or “babe,” but words’ meanings change all the time, and I like to think there are other variables at work here.

What do you think? Is the word sexist? Should I remove it immediately from my vocabulary? Or is this an exception to other gender-specific disparagement in our society? Have I called you “dear”? Did it feel wrong?

Tags: words